Dear future me,
I hope that by now, you are genuinely happy. I think it'd be nice if you had someone by your side who was there for you no matter what. It'd probably be nice if that someone was a person you could share your troubles with, and reveal whatever pains/frustrations you were facing, to. But then I trust you'll be strong as always.
I know that you'll be reading this and thinking that the 17 year old who's writing this letter is a total idiot. I know that my state of foolishness has always been so severe that it can't even be described in words. You're probably trying hard to figure out what was going through your mind as you wrote this. Right now, I'm reflecting upon all the choices I've made in life. Up till today, I have never worked really hard or given 100% in anything I've done. I slacked through my secondary school life and as much as I'd like to think that those years were a happy experience, I gotta admit that there was ups and downs. I was immature and childish, and I made bad choices which resulted in bad consequences. On the other hands, bad things which were out of my control happened as well, and I think that's when I started realising; it's really important to be mentally strong and independent. Still, I was dependent & reliant on others.
Then, I came to Trinity. I think my first 3-4 months in Melbourne was the most fun part of my life. I was 16, free and happy, and I had the least troubles I will ever experience. Deep down, I probably knew that things were too good to be true. True enough, the remainder of my year at Trinity didn't go on that well.
I was a selfish person, and maybe I still am. There was this one person I should have helped, right from the start, instead of worrying about all the trouble I would get into should I involve myself in her affairs. I eventually let my conscience be my guide and tried to help. I'm not sure if I really did. I guess you can say that I was trying to be someone else's hero when I couldn't even save myself. All I know is that I got scared and wondered if I was doing the right thing. The fear and anxiety started messing with my life and social ability; I felt as if I was losing the friends I had made in Melbourne. So for the first time in my life, I opened up and told them my secret. I thought I did the right thing. And then I lost my friends for good. That was the first and the last time I put myself in such a vulnerable position.
For a while, I sat around moping and feeling sorry for myself. Then I woke up. You come into this world alone, and then you depart alone. People come and go. Ultimately, it's the strongest people who can get through everything and emerge unscathed. I think I became much more independent and strong after that. I never want to be weak again. I know that other people allow themselves to show their pain sometimes, but I can't afford to be weak. Admittedly, it's this thinking that made me extremely anti-social and loner-ish for the remaining half a year, but I will always be proud of how I got through those unhappy moments all by myself. I learned so much from those months of solitary living. Looking back, I gained so many life lessons from my year at Trinity. Then again, it's not something I would choose to repeat.
I'm glad to say I'm doing well now. I have good friends and I got into university. I'm gradually opening up to the people around me. I'm still trying to be a heroine in everyday life, despite all those previous bad experiences. I still get scared and anxious. I still wonder if I'm doing the right thing. Like I said at the start of this letter, I know you think I'm being a stupid 17 year old who hasn't learnt her lesson. Maybe I really am. But I'd like to conclude this letter by reminding you that this was the period of time where you were true to yourself and acted in whatever way you believed was right. And despite all the risks involved, and even though I am terrified that history will once again repeat itself, I will continue to do so for as long as possible. And this is the real you, the real Cheng Yee. Adults always seem to be afraid to show who they are. I will make use of the present to live the way I want. Maybe now you're smiling and feeling glad that at least in one or two moments in your life, you were true to yourself.
I think I am regaining the hope I lost. I never want to lose it ever again, so I hope you're still holding on to it tightly. I wonder if time travel has been made possible when you're reading this. Even if it has, I still don't want you coming over to visit. I don't want you spoiling the ending for me, even though I know everything is gonna be okay. You're doing fine, I'm sure of it.
Yours truly,
Cheng Yee
I hope that by now, you are genuinely happy. I think it'd be nice if you had someone by your side who was there for you no matter what. It'd probably be nice if that someone was a person you could share your troubles with, and reveal whatever pains/frustrations you were facing, to. But then I trust you'll be strong as always.
I know that you'll be reading this and thinking that the 17 year old who's writing this letter is a total idiot. I know that my state of foolishness has always been so severe that it can't even be described in words. You're probably trying hard to figure out what was going through your mind as you wrote this. Right now, I'm reflecting upon all the choices I've made in life. Up till today, I have never worked really hard or given 100% in anything I've done. I slacked through my secondary school life and as much as I'd like to think that those years were a happy experience, I gotta admit that there was ups and downs. I was immature and childish, and I made bad choices which resulted in bad consequences. On the other hands, bad things which were out of my control happened as well, and I think that's when I started realising; it's really important to be mentally strong and independent. Still, I was dependent & reliant on others.
Then, I came to Trinity. I think my first 3-4 months in Melbourne was the most fun part of my life. I was 16, free and happy, and I had the least troubles I will ever experience. Deep down, I probably knew that things were too good to be true. True enough, the remainder of my year at Trinity didn't go on that well.
I was a selfish person, and maybe I still am. There was this one person I should have helped, right from the start, instead of worrying about all the trouble I would get into should I involve myself in her affairs. I eventually let my conscience be my guide and tried to help. I'm not sure if I really did. I guess you can say that I was trying to be someone else's hero when I couldn't even save myself. All I know is that I got scared and wondered if I was doing the right thing. The fear and anxiety started messing with my life and social ability; I felt as if I was losing the friends I had made in Melbourne. So for the first time in my life, I opened up and told them my secret. I thought I did the right thing. And then I lost my friends for good. That was the first and the last time I put myself in such a vulnerable position.
For a while, I sat around moping and feeling sorry for myself. Then I woke up. You come into this world alone, and then you depart alone. People come and go. Ultimately, it's the strongest people who can get through everything and emerge unscathed. I think I became much more independent and strong after that. I never want to be weak again. I know that other people allow themselves to show their pain sometimes, but I can't afford to be weak. Admittedly, it's this thinking that made me extremely anti-social and loner-ish for the remaining half a year, but I will always be proud of how I got through those unhappy moments all by myself. I learned so much from those months of solitary living. Looking back, I gained so many life lessons from my year at Trinity. Then again, it's not something I would choose to repeat.
I'm glad to say I'm doing well now. I have good friends and I got into university. I'm gradually opening up to the people around me. I'm still trying to be a heroine in everyday life, despite all those previous bad experiences. I still get scared and anxious. I still wonder if I'm doing the right thing. Like I said at the start of this letter, I know you think I'm being a stupid 17 year old who hasn't learnt her lesson. Maybe I really am. But I'd like to conclude this letter by reminding you that this was the period of time where you were true to yourself and acted in whatever way you believed was right. And despite all the risks involved, and even though I am terrified that history will once again repeat itself, I will continue to do so for as long as possible. And this is the real you, the real Cheng Yee. Adults always seem to be afraid to show who they are. I will make use of the present to live the way I want. Maybe now you're smiling and feeling glad that at least in one or two moments in your life, you were true to yourself.
I think I am regaining the hope I lost. I never want to lose it ever again, so I hope you're still holding on to it tightly. I wonder if time travel has been made possible when you're reading this. Even if it has, I still don't want you coming over to visit. I don't want you spoiling the ending for me, even though I know everything is gonna be okay. You're doing fine, I'm sure of it.
Yours truly,
Cheng Yee
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