Unsure

This week, for the first time, my parents asked me if I wanna give up my studies here and go back home. I said no, but deep down I really want to. However, there are other factors to consider as well. How am I going to explain my premature return to friends and family back in SG? So many people are encouraging me to go home and I'm so tempted to jump at this opportunity, but I'm afraid of the consequences.

Given my family background and age, I know that everything can be restarted; money and time is not an issue. But I don't want to look back and remember that I gave up when faced with challenges in life. I want to recall myself toughening up and taking life's shit in my stride, eventually becoming a stronger person. But it's not that easy and I'm unable to gain control over my fluctuating emotions. Just when I feel as if things are getting better, I fall back into the dark, bottomless pit of negative emotions.

I've recently learnt that when people are depressed, they tend to think of the worst, but this is just their imagination and imagination is not equal to reality. The only way to find out about reality is through action and experience, otherwise it's just in our head. Feelings come and go; depressive thoughts are normal for depressed people but they're NOT REAL. You just gotta step out and do it, and not let these feelings hold you back.

The problem is, I don't know what I'm supposed to do.

This photo was taken by Eleven during our drama meeting. She'd tied Viki's balloon to my hair and stood back laughing in glee, admiring her masterwork. Afterwards, she did the same to Truc. I really had a lot of fun with my drama group today, but then after we parted ways, I was once again overcome by Darkness. It's so difficult to detach yourself away from her.

The HOI essay is due this Friday and I haven't even started reading my secondary sources. I am so ultra screwed.