I still feel very stupid for not using the whole script I typed out for the oral presentation, so I'm gonna post it here. It isn't really that good and smooth going because I typed it out as something to refer to instead of an essay, but I'm quite satisfied with it, hahaha!
However, being unfamiliar which each other poses a problem as well. This means that the first few months of marriage is the make or break period, you either get things right for a bright prospectful marriage, or you risk being uncomfortable in the marriage for its entire duration. Spouses may also be uncomfortable talking about their displeasures, and this is unhelpful in solving problems.
Good afternoon everyone. Today, I will be discussing about the topic of marriage. My question to everyone is: Are love marriages necessarily better than arranged marriages? I would like everyone to develop their own opinion at the end of this presentation.
The reason why I chose this topic is because it relates to most people. The majority of people settle down at a certain stage of their life. They will get married and possibly establish their own family. In the past, marriages were usually arranged by the bride and bridegroom's parents. However, though still in use, this practice has diminished significantly as people's demands for the freedom to date and marry whoever they want has increased. A new type of marriage has been created and it is generally known as love marriage. This means that people get married to the partner they have personally chosen and can connect well with. While many people claim that this is a better practice, it is an undeniable fact that divorce rates have, and are still continuing to go up. This is a social problem which needs to be addressed.
I will now share my position in this discussion with everyone. When it comes to the question of whether love marriages or arranged marriages are better, I believe that there is no definite answer. This is because both types of marriages have their own advantages and disadvantages, and there is no such thing as whether the good points outweigh the bad points, and vice versa. The success or failure of each type of marriage is dependent on the specific situation. There are many factors which contribute to the well-being of a marriage, a major area of concern being the attitudes of both parties.
As I mentioned earlier, the majority of marriages today are that of love marriages. In some instances, arranged marriages have even been condemned, based on the following reasons. The emphasis on love has increased greatly from the past to present. More and more people regard love as the number one reason for marriage. This is in stark contrast to arranged marriages from the past, where love took a back seat, especially when compared to factors such as social conformity. It is true that there are some cases of arranged marriages, where husband and wife started off badly and remained unhappy with each other throughout. It has been suggested that this is due to the lack of emotional bonds between the couples.
In addition, people now want to be able to choose their marriage partner. They want to be at liberty to marry anyone, regardless of race, religion, age or social status. With the gradual influx of post-modern ideas, people do not want to be restricted by society's norms.
Now, let us look at the major differences between a love marriage and an arranged marriage. Prior to a love marriage, the couple has already been involved in a romantic relationship with one another. Through this serious relationship, they have gone through ups and downs together and had sufficient time to get to know one another's personality. Typically, in regards to a love marriage, both parties do not just jump into a marriage and to be able to reach the decision of tying the knot, it can be inferred that they have thought long and hard about it and are prepared for this commitment.
As for an arranged marriage, the couple may or may not have known one another prior to the proposal of marriage. Their matrimony is usually facilitated by family elders such as parents. This practice is especially common in countries such as India, where potential marriage candidates are chosen according to social status, common interests and such. Both parties start off unfamiliar with each other, and usually only get to develop a deeper understanding of each other after marriage.
In general, statistics have shown that a shocking 50% of love marriages, especially in western countries, end up in a divorce. In contrast, approximately 4% of arranged marriages end up in a divorce. Let's take a look at some specific examples. In Australia, 1 in every 3 marriages will end in a divorce. However, in India, where pre-arranged wedlock is the norm, only 1.1% of marriages will break down. Let us take a look at the advantages and disadvantages of love and arranged marriages.
In a marriage based on love, both parties know each other very well. They have gone through many experiences together and learnt about each other's personality. They know what appeals to their partner, and what he or she finds distasteful. This gives them a better idea of how to behave in their marriage, therefore preventing clashes.
In addition, the couple entered this commitment with the confidence and willingness to grow old together. This was not just a decision made on a moment on impulse; they have had plenty of time to think it over.
Also, since emotional bonds have already been established, spouses feel responsible not only for their family duties, but also for their partner's happiness.
We now come to the disadvantages of love marriages. Since both parties know each other very well and have probably seen each other perform to their fullest potential, they have higher expectations of one another. Therefore, disappointment occurs when these expectations are not met. They might also be less forgiving of each other's mistakes and be more adamant in the pursuit of perfection.
After the honeymoon period, the feeling of excitement and freshness in a marriage fades. Since the marriage was based on emotion, both parties may be frustrated with each other once these positive feelings diminish. Problems occur when they become tired of living together and sharing a life together.
Thoughts of divorce are more easily triggered when both parties realise, or think they realise there is no more love in the marriage. This is especially common among people who have the idea that "...". Therefore, the concept of marriage becomes much more transient.
As for arranged marriages, spouses are much more tolerant of one another because they are still in the process of adjustment and making compromises, learning about each other. Since they are unfamiliar with one another, they have lower expectations which lead to lesser disappointments.
One very essential factor of arranged marriages is that there is support from family members when things go wrong. Many times, it is extremely helpful when parents come forward to help resolve problems, and this is only possible when the union was made with their approval. Rather than suffer in silence, the couple can seek help from family members, or even put the blame on others.
Very importantly, those engaged in an arranged marriage are more aware of the contributions required of them. They have a common goal which is to keep the marriage intact for as long as possible. Since there is no easy way out, they are more obliged to make sacrifices for the marriage to work. A marriage works best on a foundation of compromises.
Since parents were the one who chose their life partners, in-laws would have a very important say in the rest of the marriage life, such as how children should be raised and how the household is run. While it is possible to get good advice in the process, a considerable amount of people may end up finding this irksome.
Because there is no easy way out, both parties may be stuck in an unhappy marriage for the rest of their lives. This leads us to the next question: What exactly is a better marriage? Is the marriage which lasts longer the better marriage, even if the couple is unhappy? Also, perhaps there are some situations where giving up on the marriage would be the appropriate thing to do, such as when facing an abusive partner.
Up till today, there is still much debate going on about whether love marriages or arranged marriages are better. What should be the basis of marriage? Is it love or is it social norms? When you have decided to spend a lifetime together, it is important that you know the person. Mental compatibility as well as understanding is necessary, and this is only developed through time spent together. But then why, after knowing each other for so long, do people get divorced? One possible explanation is that when two people are in love, they try their best to impress each other. Their dressing, behaviour and speech will be according to their partner's liking and sometimes, it is only after marriage that they discover the true colours of one another. Nevertheless, just because you are finding out new things about your spouse everyday does not mean that your marriage is going downhill. In fact, it may instead create more interest.
Maturity is a very vital ingredient in keeping a marriage intact. In arranged marriages, parents make use of maturity to make wise directions when choosing suitable partners for their children. This helps to make the right choices. Good arranged marriages are when parents support and help their children find life partners according to their desires and likings. On the other hand, unhealthy arranged marriages take place when parents see it only as an alliance of the 2 families and disregard their childrens' happiness. A relationship cannot grow if there is no mutual consent and understanding between both parties. Husband and wife may grow more and more irritated with each other's flaws. Nevertheless, nobody is perfect in this world and if a couple is sincere about keeping a marriage intact, they would learn to accept each other for who they are, complete with all faults and weaknesses.
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